Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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