Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
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My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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