you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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