i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
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i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
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Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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