just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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