I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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