I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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