Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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