I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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