Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Welp...herpes.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize