so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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