Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
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You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
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I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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