I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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