Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
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We had to coat check the pizza.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
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trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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