Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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