So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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