Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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