you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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