The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
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i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
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High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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