He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
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So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
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When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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