i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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