I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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