3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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