i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
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U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
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We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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