Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
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That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
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Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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