were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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