The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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