I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
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As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
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I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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