I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize