i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
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The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
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I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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