a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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