Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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