It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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