I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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