You surviving the open bar?
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Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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