She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
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When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
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almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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