3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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