the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
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THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
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No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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