I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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