Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
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Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
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I feel like death gave me a hand job
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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