You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
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My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
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I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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