the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
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Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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