xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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