Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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