I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
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i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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