I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize