This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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