Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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