Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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