Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
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It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
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He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize